Mx Faker you make goooooood Cookies!

Anyone else not inherit any recipes? Grow up with a culinary and historical void where other people had comfort food and family histories?

I remember growing up and seeing family recipes everywhere; all my friends families had them! From polish cabbage rolls and Acadian met pies to Tartatin and Tea Biscuits! Recipes passed down from generation to generation.

They’re all over pop culture. Every sitcom or romcom had them so why didn’t my family have any?

I always felt really ripped off and disconnected from the womxn who came before me. My mom baked occasionally, but working full time and having 6 kids didn’t leave much leisure time. On top of being time poor her mother had died when she was very young and therefor she never had a chance to be handed down family knowledge.The memories I have of baking with my mom mostly involve reading recipes of ta bag of chocolate chips, porridge oats, or jar of peanut butter.

My auntie, my dads sister, baked almost constantly! She was amazing at it, but being a plus sized womxn in a family of fat-shamers there was always a tinge of sadness when we’d bake together. I think having been raised by a feeder incapable of showing genuine affection(my paternal grandmother is mean af) really took it’s tole. Complicated emotions and family trauma aside(lol not really you can’t escape them)… the vast majority of her recipes came from cookbooks… many of which with titles like ‘Eat, Drink, and be Skinny’. Family are wild like that, inheritiing generation trauma and having it layered like a fudge cake between new traumas! It’s no wonder I have a warped relationship with food, my body, and self image.

I remember being told about how great a baker my great Grandmother was, but where those recipes ended up I never knew.

The only source of anything resembling ‘family recipes’ in my life is a now greatly contested cookbook from the 1920’s. I say greatly contested because after my parents divorce the both claimed it belonged to them. My father claims it belonged to the aforementioned great grandmother, and my mother claims it belonged to her mother. I don’t believe either of them to be honest and I don’t really care who it belonged to as long as I can be sure I’ll be the one to inherit it… fingers crossed.

Last year I had my brother photograph a few of the recipes and email them to me. Molasses cookies and gingerbread to be specific. I think I’m the only one in the family ever to have used the book. It lives on a back shelf and gathers dust and that breaks my heart a little. I’ve made maybe a dozen recipes I’ve found in it’s 500+ pages which is barely scratching the surface. Having been written in the 1920’s much of them need updating or substitutions as they can be a bit dated and heavy on the LARD.

Contested Cookbooks aside I never really felt like I had inherited recipes. There’s no box of tattered slips of paper, with flowery hand writing from matriarchs past, stained with butter and egg, that I can finger through in times of need. I ‘d say I’m pinning for a romantic ideal… but I’ve seen them! They exist! In the kitchen cupboards of friends and chosen family, guarded and cared for and catalogued meticulously for generations to come.

It’s is just another way in which I feel unconnected to my past. I’ve always felt as if no one before me existed, not really, they were all just made up, there’s no proof they existed… even in my childhood these existential thoughts plagued me. Would I be forgotten or erased because of lack of care? Would no one guard my memory or care for what I left behind? I was a melancholy child for sure. We all live in a simulation anyway so whatever. Long live the matrix.

I don’t plan to have children, not biological ones anyway, but regardless I want to leave a collection of recipes behind. Foods I’ve poured love and time into to taste test and to master. I don’t want my tomb stone to read; Made Great Cookies… but I want it to be known that I did, in fact, make great cookies. So having picked up a pack of Nestle* chocolate chips from the isle of ‘American Specialty Food'(having thrown my better judgment and moral convictions aside for a taste of nostalgia) I got to baking.

I decided to try out a recipe from TASTY that did not disappoint. The recipe will need a few small tweeks, a bit more salt I think, and it might just go into the recipe log I’ve started to keep for future generations…

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What’s your ideal chocolate chip cookie? Is it chewy and gooey or crispy and crunchy? Milk or dark chocolate chip?

Where did you get the recipe? Family? Friends? A cookbook? The internet? Did you make it up?

Best served with milk or coffee?

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Since I’ve been trying to cut out as much dairy as possible from my diet I enjoyed my cookies with coconut milk and I’ve got to say it was a perfect pairing!

*Nestle is a thoroughly evil company from stealing water to forced labour and much much more. I go out of my way to ensure I’m not giving them money or supporting them, but this time I caved, just once, because we can’t all be perfect all the time.

International Chocolate Day

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Somehow managed to miss the holiday in an official capacity but luckily had this Tony’s treat on hand to celebrate!

Not only are these bars some of the best chocolate you’ve ever had they’re slave labour free!

So we’re having a bit of a heat wave here in London so fashion become a bit of a struggle. Making sure an outfit is practical and comfortable while staying stylish is tough.

I spent the day running errand and volunteering at my local PDSA so I wanted something super simple so I went with a vintage tee and pyjama style bottoms! Can’t be more comfortable than the clothes you’d normally sleep in!

If you’re struggling trying to be comfortable and chic at the same time my hack is get dressed with only comfort in mind and then spend a little time with accessorising and makeup. I’ve only started to take accessories seriously, it’s hard but it’s worth it for sure! Took a page from style icon Rihanna, and did a white liner look, and paired it with a black lip to make it even more edgy. A little makeup and a pair of earring can take an outfit from slouchy to sleek with minimal effort.

Before I’ll get into the details of the outfit I want to say two things;

  • the #metoo movement has come for Quentin Tarantino and thrown on spotlight on his bullshit; sauce sauce sauce. He’s appologised for some of this fuckery but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
  • while I was on the high street, I had one of those terrible fundraisers approach me with ‘Great shirt!’ so I made eye contact and said ‘Sorry, I haven’t got time but good luck today.’ to which HE replied questioningly ‘Have you seen the film?’ and that kind of made me snap a little because the inherent misogyny(femme ppl don’t like action films) in that question. I turned on my heels, looked him dead in the eyes and said ‘Is a quarter pounder called a Royal with Cheese in France?’ and his eye kind of bugged out a bit as I walked away.

Alright so now that I’ve educated you a little on Quentin Tarantino’s problematic af behaviour, and shared my little rant let’s get down t o the dirty details of this look;

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I can’t be fashionable everyday. Today I had a load of errands to run and honestly I was not feeling myself. I’ve been suffering through this record breaking pollen counts. Allergies are awful and I HAVE SO MANY!

The scarf was a practical edition; trying to keep pollen out of my hair and sun off my face. It ended up being the centre of the outfit and earning me a few strange looks from passersby while I was out and about running errands.

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Outfit details:

  • Scarf, fake Louis Vuitton, thrifted.
  • T shirt, Emporio Armani tshirt, thrifted.
  • Dungarees, Liz Claiborne, Depop.
  • Leather Vans.
  • Sunglasses, Juicy Couture, TKMaxx
  • Bag, Juicy Couture, TKMaxx
  • Makeup to match the scarf; Nyx purple eyeliner w/ Rimmel Purple Mascara

 

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Landed back in London late Sunday night. So thankful that the Eurostar pulls in just short ten minutes from my flat so getting home was relatively easy(I sat relatively because getting a cab from Kings Cross is ab loody nightmare). There’s only an hours time difference between London and Paris so we avoided major jet lag but that doesn’t mean I did wake up with post holiday exhaustion.

With two suitcases and two duffel bags to unpack, our holiday clothes to wash(plus two weeks of backed up laundry because our washing machine broke and was finally replaced while we were away), dry cleaning to drop off, bed clothes to take the laundrette(British washing machines are small and I hate them), orders placed in my online shop while I was on holiday to package and post, and of course a restock for my fridge, I had a long ass day ahead of me. To be honest I didn’t really have much energy or brain power to commit to coming up with a look. I did though, because… what can I say I have a gift?!

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I finished the ‘in house’ portion of my TO DO’s list and put together an outfit that didn’t end up seeing the light of day, it was more of a look than I actually had the energy to carry off so I took it down a few notches and ended up with a casual and comfy look that didn’t feel like too much. This happens a lot, I’ll put together a look in my head that doesn’t translate into reality how I’d hoped, or more often than not I don’t have the confidence to wear a look I’ve put together so end up toning it down considerably. I don’t get it right every time, and I don’t always look good, and that’s normal.

It was really hot in London yesterday, so cool comfort was in the cards, and with all the stuff I had to lug around I went with my MASSIVE Juicy handbag. I started with that as my foundation; and I did comfort and practicality my way.

 

Outfit details:

 

I’m working on a blog about my holiday in Nice and Paris as well as a ‘HOW TO PACK’ guide too! Susbcribe so you don’t miss it!

 

Spent a lazy Sunday strolling through Portobello Road Market, hay fever has had me in it’s grips for the last few weeks, so as I’m a bit worse for ware I went with a pretty basic look.

 

There’s a saying ‘West is BEST’ and it’s said, as one would expect, by people in live in west London. It’s an interesting borough to be sure, it’s home to the Portobello Road Market and Carnival, it’s where the film ‘Notting Hill’ took place and is home to some of the wealthiest and the poorest in the city. There is a massive divide between the have and have-nots. It was the site of the horrific Grenfell Tower disaster a year ago and the scars are still visible…

I used to work in the area but haven’t visited in a few years. This visit was heavy, the poverty and the wealth were suddenly more obvious to me.

I had decided to sport a high end handbag, to make myself feel less out of place and less judged by the monies milling about the area… but it mostly just made me feel guilty. Growing up poor, and now not being such, is really complicated. I struggle trying to establish an identity that is honest about both and it’s hard.

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Outfit details;

  • t-shirt by Armani Exchange, (thrifted)
  • Mom Jeans by Topshop, (thrifted, found these brand new WITH TAGS!)
  • leather trainers and sunglasses by Vans
  • Givenchy ’13 Rottweiler shopper

Sometimes you’ve got to go back to your roots. I am a nerd. Truly, madly, deeply I am. Now that I’ma little older it doesn’t always show up in my day to day wardrobe, but in days past it did. I either looked like Courtney Love in vintage dresses I’d had my mom alter a ‘little too short’ as she’d say, or I looked like Curt Cobain in oversized t-shirts, tatty jeans, and dad jumpers. This look is kind of an homage to my teenage self… this is what my teenage self would have liked to wear had they had the confidence and the budget. I even tried ‘faux freckles’ for the first time to add another layer of youthful fun to the look.

I’ve been struggling with being stylish for the past year. I’m climbing my way out of one of the longest and hardest depressive spells I can remember and it’s been a struggle. The things I really enjoy I just stopped doing, and I do enjoy clothes and styling. My ‘Outfit of the Day’ posts started way back as a way to document the daily looks I pulled, but now, here on the blog they’re more a personal log, to remind myself that I can do it and that I love it, and that sharing that joy with other people is what getting dressed is really about(for me anyway). I hope you’ve been enjoyin

I’ve jumped back in with both feet, but for a lazy Sunday afternoon of lunch with my husband and mother-in-law, a visit to the British Museum, and some errands in the west end I wanted something simple and comfortable, and what’s more comfortable than JEANS AND A TSHIRT? I gave it a little twist and voila!

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ootd details:

‘Mens’ Oversized denim jacket by ASOS, ASOS

Denim skirt by ASOS, thrifted

-Godzilla 1985 Tee by OldSkull Japan, Camden Market

-Gamer Girl Clutch by Soul Katherine, TkMaxx

Black Leather Vans

Frilly socks, Topshop

-Razor Sharp Liquid Eyeliner in ‘Chaos’ (blue) by Urband Decay

-Vinyl Couture Mascara in ‘The the Trouble‘ (blue) by YSL Beauty

-Nyx Lipgloss in ‘Sugar Pie